Something has really struck me lately…
Do people who are engaged in personal development actually know what it is? It seems like a funny question, doesn’t it? But I think it is a very important question for anyone considering personal development or actually attempting to do it. Here’s why…
I’ve been reflecting on what is working and what isn’t for the 170 people, in 25 cohorts, that we have working together on their personal development. This reflection went deeper as I prepped for a recent presentation at a conference, where we wanted to share not just our successes, but also our lessons learned and the things we are wondering about regarding our peer support, personal development model.
One of the things I’m wondering about is whether it is wise to put people into a personal development dynamic without them knowing what personal development actually is. The answer just seems obvious, doesn’t it? That before you commit to and start doing something as challenging as personal development… that it would be a really good idea know what it is.
Individuals and organizations spend billions of dollars every year on personal development, emotional intelligence, leadership development, and “self-help.” I’d dare say that most haven’t a clue as to what they are actually doing. As we used to say in the Deep South where I grew up, “That ain’t right.”
I feel remiss. I think about all the clients I’ve served over the years, and all the ones I and we serve right here, right now, and we’ve never provided an overview — context — to what personal development is.
I’m going to make this right. In 2018, we will be expanding well beyond the 170 people we currently support, and offering more group online courses. In other words, there will be a large, new, incoming class. I want them to know what personal development is before they decide to join the program or course. I want them to know what personal development is as they do the program. And further, I’m just as concerned about making this right with people who’ve worked with us in the past. More on that in a bit…
Could This Be ONE Reason Most People Will Not Change?
Most personal development, self-help, leadership development, etc., produces no real, lasting result. That’s the inconvenient truth. We keep throwing good money (and time and energy) after bad, believing that we simply haven’t found the right approach, or that we are just one class short, or we haven’t found the right system, or teacher / coach / consultant / mentor, etc. We keep hunting, thinking that the next thing will be THE thing.
Want some proof personal development doesn’t work so well? Look in the literature. For example, leadership development programs produce no discernable results, according to the book, The End of Leadership, by Barbara Kellerman of Harvard University. In the seminal article (and subsequent book), “Change or Die” in Fast Company Magazine, Alan Deutschman writes that even if you have a life-threatening disease that requires a change in lifestyle… no matter how well-intentioned, enthusiastic, and successful you think you’d be in making the needed change… the odds are nine to one against you. Nine to one. So what are the odds of personal change when our life is not being threatened?
Every day, I see people struggle with doing the work required to personally change. It’s my job to support people in change. I, of course, struggle with it myself. And as I was preparing for the conference presentation, this was working on me. Does it apply to you, I wonder?
Look at your own self: how are you doing with becoming a bigger and better version of yourself? The hardest thing in the world is to step back and separate out our interest in something from the results that something is producing.
You — like me — probably know a lot of people who are interested in and enthusiastic about self-knowledge, emotional intelligence, self-help, leadership development, personal development or whatever you want to call it. And — like me — you probably see them having the same problems in their relationships, the same trouble with their behavior, pursuing the same old goals, making the same New Year’s Resolutions, triggered by the same things, driven by the same emotions and anxieties, trapped in the same mindset, still avoiding difficult conversations and conflict (or doing them poorly), etc., etc.
Is this personal development? No. Successful personal development yields self-knowledge. Self-knowledge is power. The power to change and to be changed. It results in an inner transformation that is reflected in the mirrors around us and in the change in our internal state of being and our way seeing life and being in the world.
Could part of our problem — our lack of true results in our personal development — be that we simply don’t know what personal development is? I think so. And I’m going to find out. I’ll find out by doing my best to pull together a basic primer on what personal development it, I’ll share it, and I’ll see if it makes a difference. I’m not interested in whether people “like” the information in the primer. That’s swell if they do. But most of the people I hang with already “like” leadership development, personal development, etc.
I want to see whether knowing what personal development is helps people change more effectively, faster, with longer lasting results. That’s the CPA in me. I want people to feel the internal change, and equally important, to see the changes reflected back to them in the mirrors of their life.
Each creature of the world is as a book, a picture, and a mirror to us.
— Alan of Lille
The reason I’m big on seeing the change externally — in our “mirrors” — is because we are all subject to that powerful capacity called self-deception. Show me a person who thinks they are making great progress — and yet nothing around them is truly and sustainably changing for the better — and I will show you a self-deceived individual.
Our mirrors don’t lie.
I’ll get off my soapbox now. Let’s get back to this notion of the potential power of knowing what personal development is before you sign up for it, and while you are engaged in it…
What Problems Occur When We Do Personal Development Without Knowing What It Is?
Here’s what I’m observing…
- Shaky Starts. If we begin our personal development efforts with an assumed understanding as to what personal development is, we are starting from shaky ground. We assume we know where we are going, we assume we know where we are, we assume we know how we will be getting there, and we assume we know what the journey will be like. Those are big assumptions. Really big. And fraught with some risk.
- Uninformed Choices. It is harder to decide whether to do personal development if you don’t know what it is, and personal development is not for everyone. There is a time and a place for everything, and it is not always… now. Or maybe even in this lifetime.
- Lack of Resiliency + Preparation. Without knowing what personal development actually is, we lack needed context to fortify us on our journey. This matters because on this journey we inevitably lose our way, fall down, lose heart, backslide, etc. If we don’t know what personal development is, we don’t have the reference points we need to find our bearings quickly, find heart, get up, dust off, and get going again. (We also think it is going to be easier than will be and tend to wear the wrong shoes. Mary Janes, Topsiders, Chukas or our favorite flip flops rather than something with some lugged soles and ankle support.)
- Underestimation of the Demands. We don’t understand that practices are required to produce the experiences we need in order to develop the capacities we lack. In fact, we don’t necessarily assume that we need to do any practices, that effort and intention are required, and that failure is part of the secret sauce. We don’t know that it is actually hard work, pushes us up against our anxieties, shakes our worldview, creates conflict and chaos as we morph… and actually requires as much or more perspiration as aspiration.
- We Underassess Its Importance. We don’t understand how important our personal development is. Oh, the power of self-deception and what social psychologists call illusory superiority. When you actually know what personal development is, it occurs to you that you probably have more work to do than you think you do, need to do it more than you believe you do, and have a greater responsibility for getting on with it than you might have contemplated.
These are a handful of problems that come up for me, zippy quick, as I think about it. Any others you’d like to add? Please email me. I’d love to hear your thoughts and include your input in what is about to come from this…
What Will Come of This?
I’ve put together a high-level outline as to what personal development actually is. It is what I wished I’d known 30 years ago. It involves four models or “lenses” that cast light on this important topic. And this exploration will be an important focus of my weekly writing here. As we explore this together, I’d truly love to hear from you.
I’ve got something up my sleeve, too. I’m not ready to spill the beans just yet, but stay tuned. For those of you who have more than a passing interest in what I’m writing about above, I’m envisioning something pretty amazing that won’t cost you a cent. And it doesn’t matter whether you are a past or current client.
I am going to find out whether knowing what personal development is helps people do it better. By January, our new clients will have a framework to work with. And past clients will receive the benefits of defining personal development, too. And heck, for a time period, we may make this free to everyone as a little mini course. Because this matters. The world needs some positive change. And the only way that will happen is for you, me, and us to become that change… through our personal development.
What is personal development? Stay tuned. Let’s demystify it. Let’s see some of the research. That’s where we are headed.
Make it a good week.
Otis
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